By Dr. Hernando Chaves, Sexologist
Masturbation: Ask Dr. Chaves
Masturbation: Ask Dr. Chaves
too much masturbation?
Hi Dr. Chaves,I’m 20 years old, and I masturbate regularly. I have been doing this for the past five to six years. Will I be affected in any manner? Please help me.
R.L., DE
Depending on what you mean by masturbating “regularly,” I can’t think of a more healthy and fun way to keep your mind and body in great shape. Some people feel guilty or ashamed about a behavior that is natural, normative and quite harmless. Others masturbate so often it impacts their functioning and lives in negative ways (compulsive masturbation). For most, touching yourself can be helpful to your physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual self. Feeling a little anxious? Go touch yourself. Insomnia kicks in and you can’t sleep? Rub one out. Feeling so horny you’re about to hump a park bench? Calm your libido with a nice ejaculation.
In addition, masturbation helps increase our immune functioning, relieves tension and stress, has been associated with improved prostate health and lowered blood pressure, increases muscle tone in the genitals (and in one arm), and helps alleviate menstrual-related symptoms in women. As for your sperm, your testicles work hard to create trillions of new mature sperm in a lifetime. Letting out a few billion here and there is perfectly fine. You don’t need help; you just need a quiet, private place and some lube.
short and sweet
Hey Dr. Chaves,I can only last around five minutes during sex -- and it’s embarrassing. I’m four and a half inches erect and I need help. Any tips?
L.C., OK
You’re not alone with feeling embarrassed about penis size and length of time in the sack. If women only knew how concerned guys are with topics like this, we’d all have more empathy for each other. Maybe we’d be more honest in the bedroom, and that would lead to better sex. For great tips on lasting longer and overcoming rapid ejaculation, check out this AskMen article on premature ejaculation.
Your penis size doesn’t have to be an obstacle if you learn to supplement it with other areas of lovemaking. Learn to be a sexpert at performing things like massages, manual and oral sex, and foreplay. Learn the positions and angles of penetrations that accentuate G-spot stimulation and learn to use sex toys with your partner.
Most importantly, learn how to be a great boyfriend and make her feel sexy, supported and loved. I’d suggest reading as many books as you can on relationships, sex and communication, and that you watch sex education videos like those of Sinclair, Nina Hartley, Tristan Taormino, or Vivid for improving technique. Most women would trade an inch or two for all those things I described.
Find out what to do when your partner can't orgasm...
She Can't Orgasm: Ask Dr. Chaves
unfinished business
Dear Dr. Chaves,My girlfriend and I have been sexually active for a little over six months now, and just recently started having sex. We've hit the bump where she can't orgasm. We've tried everything. But one thing that remains consistent about my girlfriend is that as we're having sex and it starts to get really intense for her, she just stops because she suddenly feels tired and exhausted. What does this sudden exhaustion mean, and is it some type of weird orgasm?
M.S., WA
Feeling tired and exhausted in the middle of getting hot and heavy can definitely put a damper on the mood. The possibilities are endless for reasons a person may have difficulty reaching orgasm. Medical issues, stress, relationship difficulties, and mental health issues can all play a part in orgasm block.
But a couple of ideas have popped into my head. First, could exhaustion be an excuse for something else? Is there a lack of lubrication or is intercourse painful for her? Could the sex have been going on for a long time and is she trying to find ways to end the session? Is she on an extreme diet or working out intensely?
It seems like wishful thinking that your girlfriend may be experiencing a rare type of orgasm, but you may be on to something. It’s common for women who are getting G-spot stimulation to feel the need to urinate as they approach orgasm. Some women will stop having sex for fear of urinating. What it really comes down to is only she has the real answer (or at least some idea), and you and I can spend hours thinking of possibilities. You need to have a talk with her and start a dialogue about sex, satisfaction, pleasure, and if there is anything going on that may be inhibiting orgasm. Do you even know if she’s ever had an orgasm before or if she has had one by herself? These are all important questions to have a conversation about. Just make sure you don’t frame things as her fault, because it takes two to tango for any relationship issue, and blame gets you nowhere.
Send your questions for Dr. Hernando Chaves to sexologist@askmen.com
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