What You Do, What She Sees

You think what you're doing is innocent, but that's not what she sees. Here's how to avoid those prickly misunderstandings.
By Giulia Simolo, Relationship Correspondent

What You Do, What She Sees

 
What You Do, What She Sees
It’s definitely not easy to predict how your girlfriend’s going to interpret your behavior. Most misunderstandings and arguments arise because one of you has grabbed the wrong end of the stick. If you’ve reacted melodramatically or done something that she has misunderstood, it’s not up to you to change. You can’t always help what she sees, after all. But you can prevent the onslaught of drama by taking note of some typical misconceptions so that you’re ahead of the game.

Here are some examples of what you do versus what she sees.

You forget to give her a key to your place

What you did: You’ve been working long hours and have had so much going on that getting her a key to your apartment just slipped your mind -- again.

What she sees: A hesitation to commit. In her mind it’s such a simple thing for you to give her a key that she fears your hesitation could be symptomatic of something more serious. For instance, maybe you just don’t have the balls to tell her you really don’t want her to move her toothbrush into your bathroom just yet.

What you should do: It’s time to figure out your emotions. Are there any real reasons, other than a memory slip, that explain you not getting her a key? Ask yourself if you really do want her gaining free access to your private space. If you do, then make getting the key a priority. If you are second-guessing yourself, clearly communicate with her why you’d rather not take that leap of commitment yet.

Cut off phone or text conversations

What you did: You’ve spoken for a while, but when you’re keen to end the conversation you warble off a “goodnight” and don’t think anything of pulling the plug on your talk. In fact, you might regularly end conversations first.

What she sees: She’s either boring you or you just don’t wish to take the time to nurture the relationship with communication.

What you should do: Explain to her that you’re not a big phone person and would prefer getting to speak to her face-to-face. That way, she won’t feel dissed. Ensure that you have really great conversations when you do see each other so she knows you’re interested in getting to know her.

Read on to find out how more of your innocent actions get misinterpreted...

Relationship Misunderstandings

Interact with an ex

What you did: You and your ex have been exchanging a few texts and organizing coffee catch-ups.

What she sees: A threat, possibly involving future infidelity. You have a history with the woman in question so your girlfriend can’t help but worry a romantic sequel is in the cards.

What you should do: Decide what your relationship with your ex is about and what you hope to gain from it. Often, misunderstandings occur because of lack of information, so define that interaction for yourself and then communicate it to your girlfriend. This will prevent her mind from incorrectly filling in blanks.

Talk about a female friend

What you did: It’s nothing major. In conversation, you casually mentioned something about Michelle from the office, or you talk about Lauren, one of your closest friends.

What she sees: You’re lusting over a friend that keeps coming up in conversation. Didn’t Oprah Winfrey call this “mentionitis?”

What you should do: Bite your tongue in the future. However, if you want to share something with your girlfriend, bear in mind it’s easy for misunderstandings to crop up unless you’re crystal clear concerning details. If you saw Lauren in a group setting, ensure you mention that crucial fact so your girlfriend’s mind doesn’t run circles around her.

Take a call in the other room

What you did: You couldn’t hear the person on the other side of the phone or you just thought it was less rude to take the call outside the restaurant.

What she sees: She thinks you could be hiding something and keeping secrets from her.

What you should do: Take calls in the room with her. Not only will she see that she has nothing to fear, but she will probably start wishing you would take them outside when you become too noisy.

Source